Looking for something to do Jan 20, 2009

Join the Delta's of Federal City Alumnae Chapter (WDC) and the Concerned Black Men - National Organization for a fun filled evening. Proceeds will support community efforts of both organizations.

Visit WWW.CBMDeltaGala.org for additional information and ticket purchases.

Visit www.thefcacdst.org for more info on The Federal City Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. :-)

Comments that make me angry

So some lovely IDIOT posted this on NBC4.com today in response to the attach article.
Celebration in Black Churches across America

Here is his comment:
no color 1 minute ago FLAG COMMENT It is so funny that they think Obama is black. Born to a white women and raised by a white family how in the world can you call him black. Oh yes, his daddy had sex with a white women and then split. That part makes sense. Obama is more white than anything. Furthermore he is an American and that's how I see him. All he talks about is getting Americans back to work so they can support themselves. That dosen't sound like a black man to me. Maybe if he wanted to increase wellfare and food stamps then I would beleive he was black. Obama, more white than black.

Here was mine:
THEY think he is black because for far too long YOU have told children of mixed race that if they are partly black they cannot be white. So maybe instead of saying that because he able to think of the US with forward thought and progressive views that do not include welfare that he is white, come out of your box and visit the real world. There are plenty black people around the world that feel the same way as President Elect Obama in his views of socialism. Color should not matter, his goal is for all people. Something narrow minded individuals continue to fail to get.

11:03PM - Nov 4, 2008 -- Barak Obama is Elected President

As I sit in Twelve Lounge in DC with Sorors and Friends, CNN sends across a breaking news flash a few seconds after the polls close on the West Coast. Barak Obama is elected president. History in the making and there is nothing greater than the feeling knowing that years after slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, bus boycotts and marches - 40 years after Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had a Dream - the Dream is no longer deferred. It is indeed a blessing to know that my Grandparents from Georgia who are in their 80's are alive to see this greatly historic evening.

Would you let their $1.50 go to waste

This is absolutely touching. Don't let the voice of those that had to pay a Poll Tax to vote go unheard.

She is a Joke

Clearly Gov. Palin is clueless and lacks the ability to be in power anywhere including a State. LOL. WoW!!!! Even when they told her she was pranked she was like what???? LOL..

Wasssup 2008

Love it!

Traffic-Gate????

Joe McCain calls 911 because he was stuck in traffic on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge... LOL....

Will this be the next abuse of power and privilege? LOL... He called them twice cause he was stuck in traffic. For real, don't we all wish we could just call and get a fix for traffic. I'd really like to know he thought they were going to be able to do for him.....IDIOTS (Joe and John)

Read it for yourself

PV Beats Southern

Who Ya Rooting For???? P-V-U

So all the haters that constantly remind me of that exacerbated losing streak that we actually ended in 1998. For real people, its been 10 years since that run of losses.. LOL..

So here is something new for you to talk about. PV beating Southern University 24-23 on October 25, 2008 thus making our record 7-1.

What a difference 6-7 months make.....

Enjoy! I sure did.

It is funny how the topic can be seen so differently when its a problem of yours now.

That Will Not Work

This was aired before Johnnie's announcement on Friday. LOL. Now when Pat Buchanan and Joe Scarborough say this is crazy. And they are real Republicans.... LOL... Thank you McCain. Thanks for helping Obama really make history as the 1st African American President.

History

45 years to the day, a black man marveled during his time, Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his I have a dream speech to a massive crowd that wanted Change. Ironically, we sit here in History once again with Senator Barak Obama looking to galvanize the people to continue the proliferation of change that is not only needed but long overdue. Last night we sat in Bear Rock Cafe watching CSPAN with other adoring Democratic fans. Not because we could not have watched silently in our homes, but the change that we seek should not be a single persons burden. In a mixed crowd of all races and sexes we cheered as Al Gore spoke, as MLK III spoke and hollered when Barney Smith said he wanted a president that "Put Barney Smith ahead of Smith Barney."

When speaking with my Grandparents earlier this week, it was interesting to hear how proud they were that an African American man was the Democratic nominee. By the same breath, they also said its gonna be a tough fight. Not that a Presidential fight is not common, but they (the Republicans) have 72 more days to continue the craziness.

Now that you have seen the acceptance speech, what are you gonna do now. We have the chance to see history twice in 2008 but it will not happen if you just watch TV. Get out to vote, take a carload of friends with you and make our Parents and Grandparents proud to have worked toward history 45 years ago.

Volunteer NOW!!!

Go Obama, Go Obama GO!!!!

History is Made! and I am so proud to have been alive to see it. The people (not just african-american people --- all kinds of people) have spoken. Now its time for Bill-ary to take a seat and stop with the mess.

We are trying something new.........

So CW and I are trying to do the Fat Smash Diet and gonna make it work this time.. LOL..... So the whole thing starts with a 9 day detox consisting of Fruits and veggies mostly with a few other things

So exercise is essential and I will try to blog my progress.......

So here we go:

Day 1

30 minutes - Treadmill

Breakfast

Bryer's Smooth and Creamy Yogurt

Apple slices

1/2 Bananna

A New Start at WW

So I am on the SERIOUS quest to loose some pounds. Now I have tried WW before, but never - ever stuck with it......Why this time...... well I need to do this for ME. I want to complete another 3-day this year and have a couple of weddings coming up! Must look fabulous!!!!

Here is where I am starting!

1. Eat at least five servings of fruits and vegetables per day. A serving is ½ cup, except for leafy greens which are 1 cup per serving. For those over 350 pounds, 9 servings is recommended.

2. Get at least two servings of calcium a day. Eat at least 2 servings of non- or low-fat milk products each day. A serving is 1 cup. Increase to 3 servings if you’re over 50 or weigh more than 250 pounds.

3. Drink at least six 8-ounce glasses of water each day. If this is hard for you, try flavoring your water with fruit or cucumber. Cups with measurements and/or built-in straws help too. Up to half of your daily fluid intake can come from decaffeinated drinks other than water, such as milk, juice or herbal tea.

4. Make sure you get enough protein. A serving or two a day will keep you healthy. Choose low-fat sources such as skinless poultry, lean meat, fish and eggs.

5. Have 2 teaspoons of healthy oil each day. Two teaspoons of olive, canola, safflower, sunflower or flaxseed oil are recommended — so your body gets the vitamin E and essential fatty acids it needs.

6. Take a multiple vitamin-mineral supplement every day. Everybody’s different, so talk to your doctor to figure out the right multivitamin for you.

7. Choose whole grains whenever possible. Choose whole-wheat (or oat or multigrain) bread, instead of bread made with refined white flour; whole-wheat pasta instead of white; and brown rice instead of white.

8. Limit added sugar and alcohol. Both contain empty calories. Avoid processed foods with added sugar. And experts recommend no more than one serving of alcohol per day for women, and no more than two per day for men.

IS He the One????

Is HE the ONE?

THE RIGHT ONE
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it's made on an emotional one.

"What about love? Shouldn't that be the third? you ask. No, and I'll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.

Dating exists not for mating ; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.

Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.


Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.

But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God?

You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues.

You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time.

REMEMBER, WOMEN FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED. MEN DECIDE TO GET MARRIED AND THEN LOOK FOR A WIFE. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.

Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22). <>
Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.

At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene when you're least expecting it and he will find you. In some cases God will bring that right man in your life and snatch him out of your life for a short while until the right time presents itself. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy!

Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.

Mary a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a BUNCH of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.

You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one and it is only God who gives you that inkling because Satan is not for marriages or special relationships but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like
his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Unforgiving heart? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments --including the job market? Mood swings? Lack of communication? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.

Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?

This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition.. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.

This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!

God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you.
A man's relationship with God is crucial here.. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.

If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Our prayer:
Dear Heavenly Mother/Father, God
I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me.

I ask that You take over this area of my life.. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me.. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Ladies this is something you should definitely share with a friend, whether you are single or married... It is something to think about, When you ask is "He" the one!

"Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your creator gave you and destroying your design." --Oprah Winfrey

Looking for a Wife/Husband

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, noone wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach tofinding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged whythey're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this isthe 1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partnershould never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politicallycorrect", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis forgetting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When theother ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say itagain: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You needa lot more !!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you'reserious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION .. 1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do youplan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together?You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need acommon life purpose .Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work,you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line : marry someonewho wants the same thing.

QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts withthis person?This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. Thebasis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won'tget "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts andfeelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone withwhom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honestwith yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with theperson you plan to marry.

QUESTION . 3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can youtest? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on aregular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves ? A teacherof mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving tobe good and do the right "; .So ask about your Significant otherwhat do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority ischaracter refinement. There are essentially two types of people in theworld: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) peoplewho are dedicated to seeking comfort . Someone whose goal in life is tobe comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the rightthing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is theability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another personpleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others orare they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this,think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do nothave to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys , taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitudeand appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who havegiven them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them ? You can besure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat youpoorly as well.

QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this personafter we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intentionof trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague ofmine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriagefor the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they arenow, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn'thave to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a littlemore with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objectiveas possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that willhelp you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, butwhen you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to findyourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework. Anotherperspective....There are some people in your life that need to be lovedfrom a distance....It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let goof or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships aroundyou. Pay attention....Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which onesencourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growthuphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain peopledo you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama ordon't really understand , know, or appreciate you? The more you seekquality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...theeasier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front rowand who should be moved to the balcony of your life. An African proverbstates, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after youmarry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitmentto someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance ,pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warningsigns. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can changesomeone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important . Doyou bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromisewith each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do youbring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt,past mistrust , past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alterthem. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If youdevelop self-esteem, spiritual discernment , and "a life"; you won'tfind yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness orresponsible for your pain. Seeking status , sex, and security are thewrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode asresentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain willreplace it.

Listen...... love....... learn!

Good day.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay"them."
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health : If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve! , get help.
9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number o! f breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

The Law of Garbage Trucks

Beware of Garbage Trucks
by David J. Pollay

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee or coworker ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly she can get back her focus on what's important. Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches! The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did. So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck." I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore." I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well, now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish the m well, and I move on

One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton, did this every day on the football field. He would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground after being tackled. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best. Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses. Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at their best for the people they care about. The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by? Here's my bet. You'll be happier. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so… Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT!
If it changes your life , LET IT!
Nobody said it would be easy...
They just promised it would be worth it!

Why did someone not tell me NOOOOOO!

So today was my first training day for the marathon. It was 3.5 miles of "What the hell was I thinking????"

Dude, I have stuff hurting that I was not even aware was there.

Well, Day 1 down.

Let's keep moving.

Weight Watchers

Wheeeewww Hewwww. OK... Here we go. Ya'll know I love to eat and as much as my intentions mean, they rarely translate into weight loss. Now I am blessed that I do not look like I my weight, but I know the number :( .

So today, I took the first step to fixing this problem. I joined Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time.. Yes, its a word.. Anyone from the south should know its meaning.. LOL..

Wish me lots of good food and fewer pounds. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Happy Anniversary Sorors!!!!

Happy 1 Year Anniversary to my beautiful line sister of the

2006 Raleigh Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc........






OOOOOOOO-OOOOP!



41 D.O.O.L

Today's Funny

Please just leave me.....

http://www.nbc4.com/news/11372336/detail.html

This is very disturbing. I have often pondered why men and WOMEN cannot deal with their internal issues and just move on at the end of a relationship. This beautiful young lady was killed, cut up and burned on a grill and there are NO REMAINS left. This is outragous.

We have all had bad relationships in our lives that caused us a lot of grief and had to really come to terms with its end. But as adults we need to be able to handle that in a adult manner. In my tenure as a single woman, I often run into to guys that get too clingy and possessive and those are key signs that this man may be a little over the top. But what happens when they never exhibit this behavior until its over?

My suggestion is JUST LEAVE ME.... To quote one of my favorite comedians........ "Self-Esteem is esteem of ONE's self... I have nothing to do with your esteem!"

May Tynesha Rest in peace!

7-Year-Old Boy Arrested, Cuffed in Baltimore MD

7-Year-Old Boy Arrested, Cuffed; Police Say He Rode Dirt Bike on Sidewalk
Friday , March 16, 2007

Baltimore police arrested a 7-year-old boy, handcuffed him, then hauled him off to the station house where they took his mug shot and fingerprints.

The youngster's offense?

He allegedly rode a dirt bike on a sidewalk.

"They scared me," Gerard Mungo Jr. told The Baltimore Examiner before breaking down in tears.

The incident brought new heat on a department already under fire for making what critics call frivolous or unnecessary arrests.

Police commissioner Leonard Hamm, although noting the city's ongoing concern about the nuisance of dirt bikes, said in a statement Thursday that the arrest of the 7-year-old "was not consistent with my philosphy of trying to solve problems in the neighborhoods."

Mayor Sheila Dixon said she intended to look into the facts behind Gerard's arrest. "As a mother and as a parent, I am bothered by it," she said. "I will get to the bottom of this."

Dinkins, who turned 7 last month, was sitting on the bike with the motor off on a sidewalk near his home in east Baltimore when an officer grabbed him by the collar and pulled him off the bike, according to his mother Kikisa Dinkins, who witnessed the arrest.

"I told them to let go of my baby," Dinkins recalled. "Since when do you pull a 7-year-old child by his neck and drag him?"

Dinkins said she called for a police supervisor to intervene, but the confrontation continued to escalate after the supervisor arrived on the scene.

"They started yelling at him, 'Do you know what you did wrong, son?"' Dinkins said. "He was so scared he ran upstairs."

Police confiscated the dirt bike and placed her son under arrest.

At the station, young Gerard was handcuffed to a bench and interrogated, before he was released to the custody of his parents.

Police spokesman Matt Jablow said an officer saw Gerard riding his dirt bike on the sidewalk.

The zero-tolerance arrest policy of former Mayor Martin O'Malley, now Maryland's governor, has become a contentious issue in Baltimore, with State's Attorney Patricia Jessamy, some judges and civil rights activists complaining such arrests occur most often in poor, black neighborhoods.

Dixon, who planned to address the arrest at a press conference Friday, took office in January promising to put aside "simplistic" approaches to crime.

Dinkins said the incident has scarred her son. "This has changed his life," she said. "He'll never be the same."

________

Come on now! 7 years old, a child. Who trains these officers gives them their badges. This is outrageous.

Technology Country Folk Understand

Click on the Picture to make it larger :-)

Running Links

Yeah.... I am still on my quest for the Marathon. I have been working out for the last month and am actually seeing some results. It was one of my very own christmas presents to myself....Seems a bit like torture to give yourself the gift of a Marathon, or training, but why not. Its an easy way to work at a more healthy lifestyle, better shape and something fun to do.

How have your resolutions served you so far this year?

If you are interested in joining me in a short run or two, check out these links for some local events.

http://www.charmcityrun.com/
http://www.runwashington.com/other/featureracesindex.html

Supersize Me

Supersize Me

This is a HOT MESS.... Who said Big Gurls can't move.....

TUploaded by checkmate37

"I Think I Love My Wife"

"I Think I Love My Wife"

Have you seen the movie? Why NOT? This movie is absolutely funny.

A friend of mine and I were having a conversation about this particular scene. It seems that most men think we try to seduce them with the cute matching panty and bra sets while we are dating, and them WHAM!!!! Hanes cotton stripes and jogging bras that match nothing.... LOL... In this scene Gina Torres was explaining to Chris Rock that her panties were comfortable, seamless and she likes the way they feel. Chris was adamant that pretty lacy thongs were the way to go...... Do we tend to put too must stock in what our unmentionables look like, do men really care? Better yet, do you, as a woman give a rats tail what men think?

Saving

Are we really this desperate? Can this girl be serious?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Advice Chick,
*I’m a 28 year old lady. A couple weeks ago me and my girls went to a club and I met one fine brotha! He was so nice, and said really sweet things to me all night. He said I was so pretty, and sexy, you know. Stuff like that. Yes, I had a few too many drinks and me and the brotha ended up at my crib doing the do. I apologized to him and told him I don’t usually have sex so soon. Before he left he said he understands and believes me. He also said he would call me later so we can hang out next week. That was over two weeks ago and he hasn’t called yet. I mean I understand if he doesn’t want to see me again, but why would he take my number and then not call? Believe me I just want closure on the whole thing. He probably can’t handle a lady like me anyway.
Advice Chick replies,
Da hell? A “lady” like you? What, a lady that meets a strange man at a club, takes the strange man to her home, and then has sex with the stranger within hours? You call that a lady? I’ve had one night stands in the past, and they’re anything but lady-like.
He whispered sweet nothings, got what he wanted, and bounced. He said he’d call as a “let me get the hell out of here” card. Men know what we want to hear. Closure, huh? The next time you want “closure,” CLOSE YOUR legs!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

What do you think? How quick is too quick to give up the goods?

Long 10 days......

We we have made it 10 days on my new eating pattern and I'm still alive. We now have some additions....

Breakfast
Multi Grain Cheerios with 2% milk

Lunch/Dinner Option
Salmon with Green Beans

Snack Option
Fat Free Jello
Rice Cakes

Enjoy!!!!!

OH, By the way..... Applebees has a fantastic Cajun Lime Tilapia with Corn and Black Bean salsa.... Absolutely excellent

Some Recipes!!!! Thank TW...

Spice Rubbed Grilled Tilapia with Mango and Red Onion Salsa
Serves 4

Salsa: 1 mango, chopped small
1 red pepper, chopped small
1 red onion, chopped small
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped
1 teaspoon garlic, minced
1/4 cup pineapple juice
6 tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoon fresh chili pepper, chopped
Salt and pepper, to taste
2 pounds tilapia fillets
3 tablespoons olive oil

Spice Rub:
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon ground coriander
1 tablespoon paprika 1 tablespoon chili powder
1 kosher salt
1 tablespoon fresh cracked black pepper

For salsa, mix all ingredients together and set aside. Brush olive oil onto the tilapia fillets.

For the spice rub, mix all the ingredients together. Rub the spice mixture onto the oil-coated tilapia fillets.

Grill the tilapia fillets on medium heat for three to four minutes per side. Top with salsa and serve.
************************

Baked Tilapia with Tropical SalsaRecipe by Chef Yancy Erickson, Holiday Inn
Baked Tilapia with Tropical SalsaTropical Salsa

1 skinned and diced mango
1 skinned and diced avocado
1 cup diced pineapple (canned)
1/4 cup diced red pepper
1/4 cup diced red onion
1 Tbsp diced green chilies
2 Tbsp chopped cilantro
2 Tbsp lime juice
2 Tbsp olive oil
Combine mango, avocado, pineapple, red pepper, red onion, green chilies, cilantro, lime juice and olive oil. Mix and refrigerate overnight.

Bake Tilapia:
6 each 4 oz Tilapia fillets
3 Tbsp olive oil
3 Tbsp white wine
1 lemon
salt and pepper to taste
Grease baking pan with olive oil and place tilapia fillets into baking pan.Season filets with white wine, juice from one lemon and salt and pepper to taste.Bake in 350 degree oven for 16 to 18 minutes until filets are cook through. Spoon salsa over fillets and serve.

My Meal Plan

OK.... For the next 10 days here is what I am suppose to eat..... Hope you find it helpful toooo.

Meal #1
Egg Whites and Wheat toast
** Egg White either from the carton or a mixture of 1 egg + 1/2 cup from carton or Boiled egg- no yolk

Meal #2
Apple or Banana with Fat Free Yogurt

Meal #3
Chicken with Veggies or Brown Rice

Meal #4
Protien Shake
** Carnation Instant Breakfast with yogurt and fruit

Meal #5
Tilapia with Salad or Veggies

Here is a link for some Tipalia recipes....
http://ag.arizona.edu/azaqua/ista/recipes.htm

Vegas Baby......

I have to share about this one when I get a free moment.....

Women are like...

When People Tell You Who they Are... Believe Them....

Wow.. How many times have you been burned by this.. You know often we all want to see the best in others even when it means we can be hurt. I have found this significantly profound in my recent time doing Internet dating... Yes, me.. Don't get me wrong, I have found a few people that I can say are good friends, some I wish I had never met and then there are those that cause me to write this entry... Oh well, such is life.

A good friend sent me this email from an article written in the Washington post.. Enjoy...

Sunday, January 28, 2007; 2:36 PM
NOTE: This essay was written by a woman interviewed by The Washington Post whose mother helps her find dates on Match.com.

Jennifer Aniston. Christie Brinkley. Sheryl Crow. Teri Hatcher. Either dumped or cheated on in a most humiliating and public way.
Every woman in the dating world has thought, "If it can happen to her, it can happen to me." While he's snoring away, we think quietly at night about what we can do to make sure it doesn't happen to us.
We respond by trying to make our stomachs flatter, our boobs bigger, our faces prettier, and our clothes tighter and more revealing. We do everything possible to please our man. You prefer French cooking? Mais oui, mon cher! You want my hair long? No problem, I'll get a hair extension. Spending part of your vacation with buddies? Go have a good time. You don't want to be with my family on Christmas? I'll see you on New Year's Eve. Is that OK or would you prefer some other time? Do you like my mani-pedi'd, spray on tanned, liposuctioned, Pilates body? Can't commit? Oh, that's right. You're just not that into me. Or her. Or her. Or her.
What the hell has happened? Three words. Match dot com. Match.com and other online dating services have given men access to thousands and thousands of women in every city who look just as great in jeans and a little black dress (the requirement in every man's profile), a smorgasbord of women each one more delicious to devour than the next.
And that awful book, He's Just Not That Into You, provides a warm blankie of an excuse for every man who just cannot commit. "Hey! He's just not that into you. Move on, sister!" While I agree with the tenant of the book to just move on to find the next one, they provide no rules to we women who will likely encounter yet another man who gorges at the table we have set for them.
We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again only to find exactly the same man in different clothes but using the same M.O. until yet again we realize he's just not that into any woman. When they finally are into making a commitment, they are well into their 40s, ready to settle down with their paunch, their bald head, and their decades of treating women poorly.
Ladies, this is what we have to look forward to unless we set up and set some ground rules of our own, to stop this awful trend that Match has fostered. It is an "oh well that didn't work out -- next!" attitude that is damaging millions of people in their 20s and 30s who could be building fulfilling, long-term relationships. We are bolting sooner and sooner if there is a lull in the conversation or the slightest hint of incompatibility, knowing that the next one will appear within a few mouse clicks.
I'm a good-looking woman with a good career. I probably have a few more jokes in my quiver, a few more laughs in my belly, and a few more paper umbrellas than most people because I am rather a positive, upbeat, happy, glass overflowing kind of person. I like men. And yet in my 30s I dated someone who, unbeknownst to me, was a practicing bi-sexual. I dated someone who hid his depression and profound anxiety for nearly a year. I dated someone who didn't tell me he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend until eight months into the relationship. I even had a blind date arranged by a "famous person's" agent who told me this "famous person" in his mid 40s wanted to meet me, only to find Jackie Mason sitting at the table. I found someone in bed with another woman who now wants to date me again. Uh, no! I dated someone who dumped me after telling me I was the love of his life because he didn't know where he was going in life. All met online; because I am too effing busy in my professional life to join a cooking class or go grocery shopping - where all the eligible bachelors are supposed to be spending their time.
I am every woman. And I am taking it upon myself to step up and demand dignity and respect for dating women of all ages.
I will remain anonymous. My name doesn't matter because I am every woman. Normal, happy, well functioning. Like you.
I call on all women in all cities to start dignified dating behavior everywhere.
It will be so simple and so liberating.
Following are some fairly simple but self-respecting dating principles for women:
Be honest about your age and size. You may think you will charm him with your dazzling personality but you're simply wasting his time and yours if you lie about your age or send him a photo that no longer looks like you.
Don't respond to winks or messages from men with no photos. If there is no photo, he is married or involved.
If he doesn't ask to meet you within a week of talking on the phone and exchanging e-mails, he is either busy serial dating or too busy working to date you.
Keep in shape and look your best but don't dress too provocatively.
Keep the date short and do not even think of sleeping with him until he is clearly nuts about you. If you jump into the sack too soon, he will not take you seriously.
Don't reveal too much, and certainly never ever discuss past relationships. Men love a mystery. Again, do not bring up your exes, reveal your dark secrets, constantly complain, or interrupt - simple stuff but amazingly ignored by women and men.
But be sure to be yourself. If you're a giving person, give. If you're into cooking, cook. If you're busy, stay busy. If you're not into sports, don't fake it. And watch your alcohol intake.
If you are interested in seeing him again, let him pick up the tab with a promise that you'll get the next one. If you're not interested, either pay half or entirely. If you're interested and he's not, let him pick up the tab or split it.
If you don't receive flowers by the fourth date, dump him. Poor hygiene, bad manners, or sloppy dress are also grounds for dismissal.
If you seek children and / or marriage, best not to discuss this until after several dates. When the subject of marriage or children is discussed, be clear that he has six months (or twelve, depending on how you feel) to decide whether or not you will be engaged. No more, no less. And then don't bring it up again. Ever. This rule is of course null and void if there is no interest in marriage from both parties.
At the six- or twelve-month mark, if he does not propose to you, you must walk away with class and dignity. Don't tell your family and friends how strong you are and then contact him every day. No contact. Move on.
Absolutely allow him to chase YOU.
Finally, the way he treats your family is very important. If he is cold, indifferent, or not eager to spend time with them, run!

Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEE!!!

Yeahhhhh!!!! It's my Birthday and I am gonna have a blast.

I'll tell ya about it later!

Best Doormat Ever

LOL....... HAHHAHA. If you ever see this at my door, just keep it moving....

Shaunda's Favorite Things

Why should Oprah have all the fun......

Lets start with the things I never get enough of...

Flowers

• I love Calla Lillies and Roses (Red and Eskimo and Sterling), Tuplips ,Purple Iris, Cymbidium Orchids and Stargazer Lillies

Colors

• Red then Purple and Gold

Food

• Mexican, Italian, Seafood and then my own... :-) LOL...

More coming soon! Stay tuned.

Don't Leave Home Without it....

New passport requirements
In compliance with the Western Hemisphere Travel Initiative, beginning January 23, 2007, all passengers traveling by air to or from the United States will be required to hold a valid passport.
This new requirement applies to all passengers, including U.S. citizens, traveling to and from Canada, Mexico, Bermuda and the Caribbean.

When planning international travel, please be sure that you are in possession of all required documents for both outbound and return flights. Remember to allow ample time for acquiring official travel documents.

For complete information on the requirements, please visit travel.state.gov.

Back in the Day.....

* Close your eyes...And go back...
*
* ....Before the Internet or PC or the MAC......
*
* ....Before semi-automatics and crack....
*
* ....Before Playstation, SEGA, Super Nintendo, even before
*Atari...
*
* ....Before cell phones, CD's, DVD's, voicemail and e-mail....
*
* ....way back.... ....way.....way.....way back.....
*
*
* I'm talkin' bout hide and seek at dusk
*
* Red light, Green light
*
* Red Rover....Red Rover.....
* Playing kickball & dodgeball until the
*first...no...second...no...third
*
* Streetlight came on
*
* Ring around the Rosie
*
* London Bridge
*
* Hot potato
*
* Hop Scotch
*
* Jump rope
*
* Duck....duck....GOOSE!!!
*
* YOU'RE IT!!
*
* Parents stood on the front porch and yelled (or whistled) for
*you to come home - no pagers or cell phones
*
* Mother May I?
*
* Hula Hoops
*
* Seeing shapes in the clouds
*
* Endless summer days and hot summer nights (no A/C) with the
*windows open
*
* The sound of crickets
*
* Running through the sprinkler
*
* Happy Meals
*
* Cereal boxes with that GREAT prize in the bottom
*
* Cracker jacks with the same thing
*
* Ice pops with 2 sticks you could break and share with a friend
* ...but wait.....there's more....
*
* Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons
*
* Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force &
*He-Man, Schoolhouse Rock
*
* Watchin' Sunday morning oldies (Abbott & Costello, Three
*Stooges)
*
* Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos
*
* FONZIE.....AYYYYYYYY
*
* Playing Dukes of Hazard
*
* Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar
*
* Christmas morning
*
* Your first day of school
*
* Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses
*
* Climbing trees
*
* Swinging as high as you could to try and reach the sky
*
* Getting an Ice Cream off the Good Humor Truck
*
* A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers
*
* Jumpin' down the steps
*
* Jumpin' on the bed
*
* Pillow fights
*
* Sleep-overs
*
* A 13" black and white TV in your room meant you were RICH
*
* Runnin' till you were out of breath
*
* Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt
*
* Being tired from PLAYING
*
* WORK: meant taking out the garbage or doing the dishes
*
* Your first crush
*
* Your first kiss (I mean the one that you kept your mouth CLOSED
*and your eyes OPEN)
*
* Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" or hangman" in
*
* The classroom, Remember that?
*
* Oh, I'm not finished yet....
*
* Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer
*
* So was a swig from the hose
*
* Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars
*
* Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school
*
* Class Field Trips with soggy sandwiches
*
* When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there
*
* When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance;
* and another quarter a MIRACLE
*
* When ANY parent could discipline ANY kid, or feed him, or use him
* to carry groceries...And nobody, not even the kid, thought a
*thing of it.
*
* When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were COOL
*
* When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared
*to the fate that awaited you at home.
*
* Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because
*of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.
*
* Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! And some
*of us are still afraid of em!
*
* Didn't that feel good? Just to go back and say, "Yeah, I
*remember that!"
*
*
* Well, let's keep going!!
*
* Let's go back to the time when...
*
* Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"
*
* Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
*
* "Race issues" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
*
* Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in
*"monopoly"
*
* Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening
*
* It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
*
* Being old, referred to anyone over 20. (CRAP! I'm officially
*old!)
*
* The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was
*cooties.
*
* Nobody was prettier than Mom
*
* Scrapes and bruises were kissed by mom or grandma and made
*better
*
* It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big
*people" rides at the amusement park.
*
* Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
*
* Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"
*
* Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for
*giggles.
*
* The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
*
* Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.
*
* Older siblings were your worst tormentors, but also your
*fiercest protector
*
* If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!
*
* Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown
*up" life......I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA!!!!!!

Brother Bowl 2007

History has already been made...........

The first Black coach to make it to the Superbowl.... Times 2....

The First Black coach to win the Superbowl.... It is done, don't even matter who wins.... The Coach is Black..... Absoulutely FANtastic....

Now ya'll know I have some crazy friends... but one of their friends called to say that the menu for the Superbowl should be

Collard Greens, Watermelon and Yams... I had to add the RED Kool-aid. LOL>......

Are you serious?????

Man.... Boredom is a problem. Last night I was sucked into yet another BAD reality show.... I LOVE NEW YORK.... Come on buddy! Some of these guys are either gay or true pansies.... Man, what is up with Mr. Romanace crying over everything and thugged out Chance with his bad attitude and trying to fight everyone. Man, isn't her 15 minutes over by now.... Tiffany get a real job girl and stop milking this VH1 thing. LOL.

Check it out for yourself....
http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/i_love_new_york/series.jhtml

Quote of the Day

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.

-- Chinese proverb

Interesting Read

- Part 1
By Dr. Les Parrott

If you ask a successful couple about the recipe for their success, you will usually receive a simple "because we are in love." But if youscratch the surface you'll find that the motivations behind romanticrelationships are far more complex. Many complicated situations and needs, some more beneficial than others, are behind the decision topursue a relationship and marriage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Research has shown that some motivations improve a relationship's chances for success, while others reduce those chances. The reasons we have for pursuing a relationship derive from internal and external sources, and it's important to be aware that they are as much a part of your happiness as the emotions you have. I would like to briefly outline five of these negative motivations-reasons that researchers term "deficits"-that are internal in nature, which we should strive to avoid when making a decision to pursue a relationship seriously.

1. Love at first sight may seem like a reason to pursue a relationship, but it's not a good predictor of marital success. Of course, strong feelings of attraction can occur early in a relationship, but such feelings alone provide a weak foundation for a long-lasting relationship. For example, look at the many Hollywood marriages, ignited on the studio lot, that break up after only a year or two of wedded misery.

2. Rebounding also hurts chances for a relationship's longevity. It's been proven that people fall in love more easily when on the rebound. Research has shown that, after a breakup, people suffer from low self-esteem and are far less discriminating in choosing a partner because they're trying to cope with their loss. Pursuing a serious relationship while on the rebound is undesirable because the relationship occurs as a reaction to a previous partner, rather then being based on real love for your new partner.

3. Rebellion may lead some into serious mismatch when choosing a partner. For example, getting even with one's parents by choosing someone they do not like is not uncommon, but it's always costly. The truth is that parental interference increases feelings of romantic attraction between partners-social psychologists call it the "Romeo and Juliet effect." As with choosing a relationship on the rebound, the relationship formed out of rebellion is a response to someone else (one's parents), rather than to one's partner.

4. Loneliness can drive a person to make a commitment hastily. This can be especially true among the divorced and widowed. The problem with this is that lonely people will end up lonely in their relationships if there is no stronger foundation supporting the relationship. In other words, loneliness should be banished not by the form or institution shaping a relationship, but by the relationship itself.

5. Obligation sometimes substitutes for love when choosing to marry or pursue a serious relationship. Some partners become very serious because one partner feels too guilty to break the relationship off. A woman who believes that her loyal devotion and encouragement will help her partner to quit drinking and live up to his potential could also be an example of this. Such relationships frequently do not work. The helper finds that his or her partner won't change very easily, and the pitied partner comes to resent being part of a crusade.

Breaking up a relationship before things are too serious is never easy and can be quite painful. However, it is always worse to experience a painful divorce or an unhappy marriage. Whatever route you take to find the right person, it is important to make sure your reasons for pursuing a relationship that may lead to marriage contribute to the success of that relationship. Try to keep a clear head, wipe the stars from your eyes, and take the time make sure you are falling in love with a person, rather than falling in love with love itself.

Interesting HUH? What do you think?